


Dear Diary

by Susspencer



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susspencer/pseuds/Susspencer
Summary: What does a week in Aaron Hotchner's diary look like?  Does it reveal the inside of the man?





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rivermoon1970](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift to the lovely Rivermoon. She has been an inspiration to me. She has shown me that my writing is more than okay and so am I. I am thankful for that and that she is in my fanfic and real non-fic life.

Monday, woke up, dressed, went to work, returned home, changed out of suit, dressed in jeans and polo, cooked dinner, ate, drank a beer, watched the news, worked on some reports, went to bed. 

Tuesday, woke up, dressed, went to work, returned home, changed out of suit, dressed in shorts and t-shirt, ordered a pizza, ate drank a beer, put a movie on, went to bed.

Wednesday, woke up, dressed, went to work, we got a case in Baton Rouge. It was hot, sticky, and there was a dank smell. The team worked hard and late. We reached hotel about 11:30. Showered, went to bed.

Thursday, woke to a new body, dressed headed to crime scene. It was grizzly. (I wanted to leave.) Reid noticed a couple of things that were a great help. (He has a sharp eye, and mind.) Back at the station, geo profile complete, we delivered the profile. (Noticed Reid’s hands, and gestures as he explained, very graceful.) Narrowed list of suspects, ran into problem with police Chief, (had to threaten him with obstruction of justice charge, hate that). Finally called it a night, 10:27 pm. Took long hot shower at hotel, team ate together (I excused myself. Needed time alone.) Decompressed, read, went to bed.

Friday, received information about a new abduction. Followed the lead (left us in an empty field. Reid placed hand on my shoulder, when I let out frustration. It felt good). Went back to station with what little we found. Four bodies now, one currently missing, racing to keep her alive. This is where I always get hard on team, have to watch myself. Reid returned with coffee shop coffee for everyone. (he brought me a pastry. Quietly told me, it was help sweeten my mood. When I looked at him my stomach dropped a bit). Got a call from Garcia narrowing list further, down to three possible unsubs. Reid turned to whiteboard with new information, you can see his mind working on his face and in his eyes. (I want to reach up and caress that face, work to do). Of course, he makes the connection and we are off to the unsub’s. Home of Jared Houser, Dave and I take the front, Morgan and Reid took the back. We went in together. Unsub fled towards back when he heard us. Shot at Morgan and Reid, hitting Reid in left leg and right shoulder, before Morgan took him down. 

The medics were quick to attend to Reid. He kept staring at me though. Yes, I was there at his side, that is what a Unit Chief does. There was a soft pleading in his eyes. Something he was trying to say. Rossi said he had the crime scene, and that I should go with Spencer. I holstered my weapon, as I jumped in the ambulance with him. I shouted a couple of orders to the team as the doors closed, never letting go of Spencer’s hand. I sat down, returning to the task of reassuring him that it would be okay. He had lost a great deal of blood from the thigh wound. He was looking like a lost puppy dog. His eyes pleading at me. His throat whimpering. His hand reaching, almost pawing at me. To be honest, I was lost in my own emotions. I couldn’t lose him, when I hadn’t even admitted that I had feelings for him. I babbled words of comfort. Things like we’re almost there, you’ll be ok, it doesn’t look too bad, you’ve been hurt worse. When his left hand grabbed my tie and pulled me down, so close to those lips. So luscious, the ones that speak words of knowledge and wisdom. The ones I have longed to kiss. 

Spencer whispered, "Aaron, I trust you to take care of me. I always have. No narc.." "Narcotics, I know. Anything else? I will make sure they get you well." He smiled up at me a tender smile. shook his head no, pulled me a tad closer and kissed my cheek. "I have to be okay to do that again." He said as he passed out, letting go of my tie. I plopped back against the wall. Figures, he has always known and feels the same. We arrived at the hospital before I had time to think.

They rushed him in. Took note of the no narcotics. Started working on him. I tried to stay close, mustering my unit chief persona and firmness, but in the end I was left standing there. Staring at the surgery doors as they closed shut, unable to move, unable to speak, wanting to do something but feeling so helpless and alone. Some came by me, I hardly saw or heard them. I finally realized they had an ice chest with blood, which they were carrying back to him. I looked down at the blood on my hands and shirt. My hands began to tremble. The trembling quickly moved up my arms.

Just then a nurse touched me, turned me towards a waiting area. She led me to a seat. She asked if I was hurt. I assured her I wasn't. She left. I grabbed my thighs hard with my hands to stop the trembling. I felt it move up to my shoulders as tears fell from face. She returned with a bowl, a rag, and saline to wash my hands. After they were clean, I held my head with them, leaning forward as my elbows rested on my lap. She held my shoulder for a moment, said she'd seen worse, and that Spencer would be okay. With a pat on my back she was gone, and I waited. Waited. Waited, then waited some more.

I didn’t even notice the team arrive. I know I hadn’t dozed off. My eyes never left the doors into surgery. Four techs, three nurses, two or three paper pushers, all went in. Five techs, four nurses, all the paper pushers, in total came out. No doctor, no word, no gurney with a body, so no news was good news, right? Dave was sitting next to me. I know he must have steered people away, because I don’t recall talking to anyone. I did hear someone say, “I’ve never seen his eyes look so empty.” I was pretty sure they were talking about me.

As I thought about it, I realized I would be empty without Spencer. There would be nothing worth looking at in the bullpen. That smile as he pranked Morgan back, or performed some impressive physics magic, at which I had to pretend to disapprove. I could feel the sigh, I released, it built from the base of my soul, took everything in me with it as it climbed to my throat, and tried to stick there, but couldn’t. As it passed my lips, I could feel it pull my heart with it. What the hell were all these emotions? When had I … When did he work his way in … When did he become a part of me? I quickly buried my face in my hands, no one could see this. I am Hotch.

I heard the team trying to get some information from a nurse, but nothing. I felt Dave’s hand on my back. Someone said they were going for coffee did I want one. Dave answered yes, for me.  
I didn’t care about something as minute as coffee. Coffee, two creams, four sugars, two more if it was strong. From a coffee shop though, make it a caramel latte, four sugars, extra whip cream, and extra caramel. The largest cup they have, and adjust sugars for size. I smiled to myself. I could probably order any meal for him, and get it right. I certainly wouldn’t forget his fork with chinese food. I thought to myself about making a deal with God, that I would never tease him about that again, but Spencer doesn’t really believe in a diety anyway. I sniffled. My sweet scientist. 

Just then, what day are we on? Is it Saturday yet? I checked my watch. No it is eleven twenty-eight p.m. Friday. A nurse comes out, walks over to me, “Agent Hotchner?”

“Yes, Ma’m.”

“The surgery is over. They are finishing up. Agent Reid will be fine. The doctor will be out in a few minutes to go over everything.” She said with a small smile.

“Thank you. Let me know when I can see him, please.”

She nodded, and was off to her duties.

Saturday, was sitting in a chair next to his bed. I felt like a stalker just watching him sleep and breathe. The doctor had said that the bullet to the thigh, just missed his femoral artery, but had hit the bone and shattered. They had to dig out the pieces, which took time. The two bullets to his shoulder tore through the muscles. He would need rehab, but he would be fine. The biggest problem would be keeping him off of the leg while it mended. I wanted: To run my fingers through his messy curls, kinda comb them out; To kiss his brow, as he looked so peaceful as he slept; To slap him, for getting shot; and To hold him, so tight, that nothing like this could happen again. 

I heard a moan. His eyes opened. With a smile at me, “It’s creepy to watch people sleep.”

“Then I will be a creep from now on, if you’ll let me.”

Oh my god, did I say that out loud. Spencer’s eyes opened wider. His smile got bigger, as he turned his head towards me. 

“Do you mean it? D-Do you want to watch me sleep? I mean…”

I placed my hand on his, leaned forward so he could see me clearly. Took my other hand and brushed the stray hairs from his face. 

“Apparently, Spencer, I want to watch you do everything, because I already have been. Somewhere over the years, between co-workers and then friends, my heart went ahead of the rest of me, and has been taking you in. I think I love you, Spencer.”

Spencer sighed, but it was a happy one. “I know I love you, Aaron.”

“May I, kiss you?” I asked, almost afraid he might break.

“Yes, please.”

Carefully, gently, I kissed his soft lips. He tasted of innocence and strength, virtue and coffee, and mostly … 

Spencer.


End file.
